Dr. Randy Carlson

You can’t have a great marriage unless you have a sparkling attitude.

I believe that, and found support for my opinion when I interviewed Sandy Ralya, author of “The Beautiful Wife” and founder of a marriage mentoring ministry.

It’s not about one person being right and the other being wrong. Click To Tweet

One of the things she believes with all her heart is that marriage should never be a win-lose proposition. It’s not about one person being right and the other being wrong. It’s not about one being a doormat and the other always being in the lead. Marriage, she says, should be win-win, and where the husband and wife triumph together by honoring one another according to the mutual submission principle of Ephesians 5:21.


I love that! Living out biblical characteristics such as servanthood and submission and making sure you are heading in the right direction together is vital to having a successful, intentional marriage. To make that happen, you need to keep the right attitude as a couple. You can ignite renewed love and trust in your relationship by putting into practice these four simple tips.

  1. Think before you speak. A defensive response will always be seen as negative and divisive. It’s also a signal you think you’re right and your spouse is wrong.
  2. Focus your mind. Philippians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” You can’t help but have a win-win marriage when your mind is focused on these things.
  3. Find a goal you can share. Cast a vision for your marriage and find an inspirational goal that brings purpose and hope to your relationship. Make sure it’s an outcome you can achieve only as a team.
  4. Have something to look forward to. Whether it’s a date night next week or a weekend getaway next month, create opportunities to have time together. Nurture each other.

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