It’s usually the most difficult step of all in recovering from divorce. Getting along with an ex-spouse, depending on the circumstances, may seem difficult, if not impossible. But not only is it preferred – it’s a must for a believer in Jesus Christ. And with Him, all things are possible because of one incredible truth…

Reconciliation.  

Let me provide hope today for the divorced Christian. If you’re happily married, please read on – because reconciliation, and the four keys I’ll share shortly, can help you in any divisive relationship, and prove to be helpful in equipping you to minister to a friend or loved one experiencing divorce.

Interestingly, one definition of reconciliation is the “harmonizing of apparently opposed ideas.” Your future with your ex-spouse may not lead to remarriage, but you’re still responsible to work hard to harmonize your shared priorities and commitments. You owe that to yourself and, if your have them, to your children. It’s no surprise that research shows that children from divorced couples fare better when their parents make getting along a priority.

Scripture declares God “gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). Yet how can you ever reconcile other people to Christ if you can’t reconcile yourself to an ex-spouse? Indeed, your ex may not want to reconcile – they may resist it and even try to make your life miserable – but that’s not an excuse to abandon your efforts. Determine that you will move forward toward reconciliation, trusting God for wisdom and strength.

How can divorced people learn to harmonize their differences? Here are four keys:

1. Re-define your relationship. You’re no longer married lovers. You’re adults with a shared responsibility. Putting the past behind you will be difficult, but you must do the best you can together to recognize how your relationship has changed and adjust how you interact accordingly.
2. Stay away from “trigger” events or words. You need to establish a completely different level of communication with a brand new set of dynamics. Speaking the “truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) is a great Biblical teaching, but in the case of an ex-spouse, sometimes saying little or nothing at all may be the best policy.
3. Define your goals. If it was impossible to cooperate with your ex-spouse when you were married, don’t expect it to be any easier now…but having a goal in mind will help. If your primary desire is to cooperate in parenting, keep that goal front and center. If your target is to resolve family or personal conflicts, keep that in focus.
4. Pray for the attitude of Christ. As a believer, you have access to an incredible thing – the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). In all your dealings with your ex-spouse, simply ask, “What would Jesus do?” It’ll change your outlook, and draw you closer to God.

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