When you’re heading into your second (or third) marriage, you’re certainly looking for a new start, a brighter future. And, bringing children into this new blended family can make your desire even stronger. You want your spouse and family to meet the expectations that were somehow left unfulfilled or incomplete previously.

Yet, you must be careful not to head into the marriage with an unrealistic view. I have yet to talk to anyone in a second or third marriage that has told me it was easier than they thought it was going to be. About half of all first marriages fail, and the divorce rate only gets higher the second time around.

But your marriage can thrive with some hard work and attention to your relationship and to defining the different roles that need to be played. Here are three essentials to help you be successful:

1. Get expectations out on the table.
Start by learning as much as you can about your spouse’s past and, specifically, what really went wrong in previous marriages. Be honest about your own past relationship problems, and make sure those issues have been dealt with. Then put those things behind you and look ahead.

2. Parents take the lead.
The biological parent must be the primary enforcer of discipline with their children. The other spouse is to be supportive of the biological parent, not argumentative or disagreeable in front of the children.

3. Clarify new roles and develop a shared vision.
Stand closely shoulder-to-shoulder in developing this vision. There are going to be many forces coming against you. Be unified in love and hope for your future. Plus, one characteristic I’ve often observed in a strong marriage is that the parents actively impart their faith in God to their children. I encourage couples to explore their spiritual lives openly and boldly.

A blended family requires you to be more intentional than ever about your decisions. You can learn more about living intentionally when you begin your Intentional Journey  today.

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What makes you feel most optimistic about your blended family?