How to Gain Control of the Young Ones
They always seem to have you in their crosshairs. Looking for any weakness, just waiting for your guard to be down. Diabolical in their resolve, they never rest in coming against you with one unwavering goal. To divide and conquer.
Ever feel that way as a couple? You certainly have - especially if you have children. The challenges they can bring to you as parents are never ending, and those problems can easily begin to wear away at your emotions, your patience...even at the marriage itself.
How can you be effective as a mom and dad and, at the same time, build up and strengthen your relationship as husband and wife? Here are three tactics for victory!
Show a unified front - Any military commander will tell you that disunity among the troops is the first step toward mutiny and, ultimately, anarchy. That's why any parenting disagreement must be worked out behind closed doors. Your kids, no matter their age, will play you against each other if given the opportunity. They'll even try to implement their own rules. Don't give them the pleasure. Plus, when you come together to discuss issues with your children, don't discuss generalities. Be specific. Come up with a basic and specific battle plan for each topic. Whether it's...
· Disrespectfulness
· Allowances
· Dating
· TV and movie viewing
· Eating habits
Or whatever it is, be specific. Then be unified. Don't let them see a weakness.
Control the propaganda - At all costs, avoid playing the blame game with each other when things aren't going well with the children. It's so easy, especially when dealing with problem teenagers, to start pointing fingers at each other. The stress that is placed on a marriage when you're in a parenting crisis can be enormous. Don't say:
"If only you had been a better mother..."
"If only you had been more involved as a father..."
"If only you had been the leader you were supposed to be..."
If only...
It's lazy and irresponsible to throw out simplistic accusations such as those to issues that are actually far more complex. This is a time to come together - not to critique each other's parenting style, but to review the situation, seek God's wisdom in prayer, then discuss the actions you need to take. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."
Take care of the supply lines - Just like an army needs to keep itself well supplied in order to fight and win, you must commit time and energy to nurturing your marriage and not place all of your focus on the children. If you're the kind of couple that doesn't have a good day unless your kids are having a good day, you've got a big problem. In fact, you're giving your children far too much power.
Remember, there was a marriage before the kids came along...and there will still be a marriage long after they're gone. Don't lose your identity as a couple. Spend time alone often. Have regular date nights. Take time to let the children's problems go - at least for a while - and re-supply your marriage by prioritizing God and each other first.