Overreacting

Rod Robison

Every other month I take my daughter Jennifer out on a "date night." We launched the tradition four years ago when she was ten. Mostly we just have fun together. But I usually try to take a moment to share with her a few bits of wisdom I want her to take along on her journey to adulthood.

Sometimes I'll ask Jennifer if she has anything she wants to talk about. Two years ago, when she was twelve, she popped a question on me that would boil the blood of any father of an only daughter. "Dad," she asked, "How do I make friends with boys?"

I'll have to admit that jealousy got the best of me for a moment. I was tempted to return her inquiry with a question of my own. I wanted to say, "Why in the world would you want to be friends with one?" But I didn't. Actually, I did something worse.

For the next hour and a half I delivered an eloquent, impassioned address on the dangers of teenage boys. I covered it all. Hormones, drugs, dating, fast cars, and ill intentioned young men lurking incognito within church youth groups. The more I fired away at the enemy the more confident I became that I had postponed her interest in said enemy for at least a few more years.

Jennifer listened patiently. And at last I finished. "Do you have any questions, honey?" I asked. "Yes," she answered, "How do I make friends with boys?"

Imagine my chagrin. A little light bulb suddenly clicked on in my head illuminating the one word that described what had taken over my brain for the past hour and a half.

OVERREACTION!

What Jennifer had hoped would be a succinct lesson in social graces I had turned into a semester course on male-female interpersonal relationships.

It's easy to do as a parent. We want the best for our kids and so sometimes we overload them with information they're not ready for. Or, more often, we over-feed them information they simply aren't going to listen to because it's far more than they are ready to absorb at that moment.

Here are a few ideas that we might all keep in mind as parents.

  • Watch for teachable moments. When your child shows interest in something that gives you an opening to talk about an important value, seize the opportunity.
  • Don't "over-feed" a "hungry" child. Give her just enough so she will want to come back for more later.
  • Adjust what you say to your child's ability to understand. Talking over your child's head may discourage him from asking questions in the future.
  • Be a good listener. Don't assume that you are filling your child's need for answers until you've taken the time to listen carefully to her questions.
  • Set aside time for you and your child, just the two of you, on a regular basis.
  • From time to time assure your child that he can come to you to talk about anything. Nothing is off limits.

The growing up years slip through our hands swiftly. Every moment with our children is a priceless treasure from God, but a treasure that vanishes sooner than any of us imagine. While we have the treasure we need to invest it wisely. It pays rich dividends for life.

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