Strengthening Your Role as Dad - Part II
I've discussed the importance of the father's role in the lives of his children, but what does that mean to you in practical terms? Really, the question is, "What does it take to be an effective father?" Based on my work with hundreds of couples and families, I have found that effective fathers practice five key principles: love, discipline, nurturing, instruction and training, and provision and protection. Raising children is a little bit like building a home. I'm not an expert in construction, but I know that if you want to build a quality home, you need to pay close attention to the details - just as a father seeking to raise "quality" kids will find it helpful to keep these five key principles in mind. 1. An effective father LOVES his children. Just as the foundation of a new home has to be poured before the building can be framed, a father's love for his family and for God is the foundation that sup- ports and sustains everything else he does. When your actions and decisions are motivated by love, your family is on solid ground. 1 Corinthians 13:3-8 tells us that love includes patience and kindness, that it is not rude or boastful, and is not easily angered. It is essential to remember that love is a decision and an act of the will, and shouldn't be based on our children's behavior or the circumstances in our lives. I believe God knew that many of us would struggle with impatience, anger, and a lack of kindness at times - that's why He specifically tells fathers not to provoke their children to wrath or anger. 2. An effective father DISCIPLINES his children. The walls we build in our home symbolize healthy discipline. Discipline clearly defines the boundaries of behavior and often dictates where we can and cannot go. Remember, there's a big difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is for the purpose of teaching good character and encouraging good choices. Punishment is often motivated by revenge, and rarely works in the long run to change behavior. 3. An effective father NURTURES his children. Just as the materials we use to build a home often define its quality, so too does the kind of nurturing we give to our children. We nurture our children by showing affection, communicating affirmation, and giving attention. These three things will likely define the quality of the relationship you have with your children. This is often the fun part of fathering, because one of the best ways to nurture children is to play with them. Other ways include hugging, listening, sharing activities, and just goofing around together. 4. An effective father INSTRUCTS and TRAINS his children. Have you ever seen a home where there was very little evidence of real craftsmanship? When a home lacks quality craftsmanship you can't always rely upon things to work the way they should, and it probably won't weather nature's storms very well. The same can be said about a son or daughter who hasn't received training and instruction from their father. When the "storms" of adversity come their way, they will often lack the knowledge and judgement necessary to make wise decisions. How much time do you spend instructing and training your child? Children often don't meet their father's expectations, and sometimes it's because the father hasn't taken the time to properly train them. Picture this: your son or daughter starts working at a restaurant. They walk in the door on their first day, and with no training, they're sent to go help customers and cook the food. If that was the way the restaurant operated, I doubt I'd want to eat there a second time! And it wouldn't be fair to your child to make them responsible without being shown or told how to do it right. Unfortunately, that's what we do with our children much of the time. We give them a job to do, but we don't take enough time to show them how to effectively carry it out. If you want them to learn how to do things, turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, or come home from work on time so you can show them. Taking walks or talking while you ride in the car are great teaching times, too. 5. An effective father PROVIDES for and PROTECTS his children. Just as a well-built home will provide warmth and security for its occupants, so too will an effective father provide for his children and protect them from things that can potentially harm them, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We all fall short at times when it comes to consistently demonstrating the characteristics of a good father - that's just a fact of life. However, we need to remind ourselves of how important our role is in the lives of our children. When we practice the five essential principles, we increase the likelihood of our children growing up to be the men or women God desires them to be. Not every child is going to have the kind of father who possesses all of these characteristics, and maybe you didn't grow up with a healthy father figure. The good news is that we all have a father we can count on to provide us with everything we need. This, of course, is our Heavenly Father. Scripture tells us that the only Father who really knows best - and can consistently give us the best - is our Heavenly Father. No matter what your situation is right now, you can count on God to provide everything you need to live your life. The Bible tells us that He... If you're looking for a father figure in your own life, God is there for you. If you want to be the very best dad you can be, follow God's example, and you'll see results in your own home.