Strengthening Your Role As Dad - Part I
If I asked you to tell me about your father, you might give me a variety of responses. Maybe you weren't raised by your biological father. Instead, you were raised by your mother, a stepfather, adopted father, or grandfather. Or, your father may have raised you but you didn't have a good relationship with him. Or as is the case for me, your father passed away and all you have left are memories. Or perhaps you had - and still have - a great relationship with your dad. A Historical View of Fatherhood Society and culture have helped to shape and define the role a father plays in his family. In fact, if we take a look back over the last fifty years, we can see how Dad's role has changed. In the 1950s and 1960s we watched television shows like "Father Knows Best" and "The Donna Reed Show." The fathers in these shows reflected the stereotype of dads as breadwinners and disciplinarians, only stepping in to the home scene as Mom's enforcer and source of grocery money. In the 1970s, fathers began to get more involved in the lives of their children, even participating in the birthing process and helping with domestic support. Mike Brady, the ultimate father figure on "The Brady Bunch," showed us that a dad could be a teacher and counselor to his kids while still effectively heading his household. In the 1980s, fathers began to get in touch with their feelings and the feelings of their children. The lines between Mom's role and Dad's role blurred as more women went to work. The movie, "Mr. Mom," gave us a whole new picture of how a dad can nurture his kids - even if it's not exactly how Mom does it. Now in the 1990s, fathers have been expected to balance work and family, and at the same time, our role has become more challenging. Dads today may be stay-at-home dads, stepfathers, single custodial fathers, and more. If we can borrow a slogan from the ladies, I guess you could say, "We've come a long way, baby!" Is the Role of a Father Really That Important? There are those who say that fathers don't play a significant role in the lives of their children and that, in fact, parents don't really have the kind of influence we once thought they did. This is not true! Parents play a vital role in the lives of their children, and fathers, in particular, have a profound influence on their development. A survey of over 20,000 parents found that when fathers are involved in their children's education, including attending parent-teacher meetings and volunteering at school, children were more likely to get A's, enjoy school and participate in extracurricular activities, and less likely to have repeated a grade. In a 26-year study of 379 individuals, researchers found that the single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement. In other words, fathers who spent time alone with their kids doing routine childcare at least twice a week raised children who became the most compassionate adults. The Bible describes how God's original plan called for the home to be like a "green house," or a nurturing place, where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Psalm 78 instructs parents to teach their children to carry the message of who God is to the next generation. Forty years ago eighty percent of all children in the U.S. grew up in a home with two biological parents. Today, only about fifty percent of our children will spend their entire childhood in an intact family. We, as parents, have a tremendous responsibility to create and sustain the kind of environment that allows our children to see God reflected in our lives. God has a very specific purpose for fathers, and when that role is not fulfilled there can be very serious consequences for both the family and society as a whole. When children grow up with a father who fulfills his role according to God's plan, they are often in a much better position to understand and accept their Heavenly Father. I can't help thinking of some of the recent events in which teenagers, and even children, have committed serious and horrific crimes. Kids are killing kids, their parents, and themselves at an alarming rate. A lack of fatherly love can contribute to the sense of hopelessness that causes these kids to act out so desperately. Of course, there are many factors that influence the moral decay of our society. What it really boils down to is the fact that humans are sinful and our deeds are growing increasingly wicked. But don't give up. Fathers who give love and strong leadership to their children are a powerful weapon against many of society's problems. So, just as negligent fathers are part of the problem, caring dads are a big part of the solution. A Father's Influence on His Children A girl will form many of her beliefs and perceptions of men by watching her father. She will learn whether or not men should be trusted, can be depended upon, if she herself is worthy of unconditional love, if men are to be respected, and how to communicate and interact with men. A woman is often attracted to the type of man who's similar to her father, even if her father treated her in an abusive or neglectful way. When a father treats his daughter with love and respect, he teaches her that she's significant and valuable. Consequently, she's much less likely to develop a relationship with an abusive or neglectful man. A boy often learns how to be a man by watching his father. He learns how to treat women, about character, morality, and values (or lack thereof), how to communicate, and whether or not it's appropriate to express his emotions. A boys who feels accepted by his father is much more likely to experience genuine confidence in his worth and abilities, which allows him to enjoy better relationships and, generally, a greater level of success in his life. This is not to say that children don't also learn from observing their mothers, but the point is that they are watching - and they are more likely to do as you do rather than as you say.