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Parenting

• Capturing Memories
• Christian or Not - You Can Still Point Your Kids The Right Way!
• Cutting Warriors
• Don't Leave Out Your Most Important Date
• Help! My Child is a Bully
• Helping Children Cope with Crisis
• Holding On
• How To Build Confidence In Your Children
• How to Gain Control of the Young Ones
• How to Raise Thankful Kids
• I Only Learned One Thing From Baseball
• Intentional Parenting with Active Respect
• Interview "U" - 6 Tough Questions with Susie Shellenberger
• Loving Your Children from a Distance
• Overreacting
• Prodigal Prayer Pages
• Reflections of a Parent's Love
• School's Out - Time to Plan for Next School Year
• Seizing the Moment
• So You Mean My Marriage Isn't Different?
• Strategies for Step Parents
• Strengthening Your Role As Dad - Part I
• Strengthening Your Role as Dad - Part II
• Ten Commitments of Great Parents
• The Baby Is Here...Now What!
• The Most Valuable Moments in Your Child's Day
• Understanding Our Dads
• What's Really Important
• Why "Silence Is Golden" When Dealing With Your Teenager
• You're Not On Your Own

How To Build Confidence In Your Children

Being your children's Confidence Builder is one of your most important and enjoyable jobs as a parent or grandparent. Facing the world as a child can be frightening and intimidating at times. As your children grow into adulthood the challenges that will be thrown across their paths will be even tougher as time goes on. An Olympic hurdler doesn't start off jumping over four foot hurdles. He starts with short ones and works his way up. In the same sense, by teaching your children how to face small challenges with confidence early in life, they will be ready for the bigger ones as they run life's race.

As your children's "coach" you have an awesome responsibility. But be encouraged by the fact that you have a choice every day. You can decide what you will deposit into each child's heart and mind. Every word and action you invest will stay there in one form or another for a lifetime. So invest wisely.

Here are a few ideas to help you build confidence in your children:

1. Be a child of the King. Having Christ as your own personal Savior is the first step in not only instilling confidence in your own children, but in having that confidence yourself. Knowing that your sins are forgiven is the key to unlocking the door to confidence. Then, when your children are old enough to understand God's simple plan of salvation, you'll have the honor and joy of helping them make that all-important decision.


2. Be confident in your own role as leader. God has honored you with your role as your children's leader. He must know that you can, with His help, handle the job. No, it's not an easy task. But it is doable. So consider yourself a partner with God to build responsible, confident adults. Thank Him for giving you the opportunity. Then forge ahead knowing that He's right there with you, cheering you on.


3. Pray for your children daily. Don't underestimate the power of God's Spirit to work in their hearts - to do the work that you can't do. Bedtime is a good time to pray out loud with - and for - each of your children. Hearing you asking God to protect and guide them will help them understand that their confidence is ultimately in Him. Another great prayer to pray for your children is, "Lord, please help my children hate the things that You hate and love the things that You love." In your prayer, tell God and your children how much you love them. Those reassuring words will be the last ones they hear before they drift off to sleep.


4. Help your children understand why God can be trusted. From time to time point out the many things God has provided for your family. How He watches over each of you. Become familiar with basic Christian apologetics (defense of the faith) so you can reassure your children of the truth of God's Word.


5. Be lavish with your praise. You can hardly overdo sincere praise as long as it's genuine. Look for opportunities to build up each child's confidence. Even little things that they do are worthy of compliments. Here are a few good phrases: Way to go! You're special. You did a great job. I really appreciate that. Wow! Thank you for saying that. I like the way you did that. You're important to me. You brighten my day. I love you so much.


6. Never belittle any child, especially not in front of others. Not even in jest. This doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't offer constructive criticism when it's appropriate. But criticize the behavior privately while building up the child's sense of personal worth. ("I know you want to do the right thing, so let me explain why that was wrong," or, "I love and respect you too much to allow you to behave this way.")


7. Demonstrate love and unity between you and your spouse verbally and physically. When children see their parents hugging or kissing it sends a message that the family is secure. If your marriage is in need of repair, dedicate yourselves to creating a strong marriage for your children's sake.


8. Give lots of hugs and kisses. It's not good enough to simply express your love verbally. Loving touches go a long way in building confidence.


9. Do not compare to siblings. Each child is unique. Comparing traits, talents, or behavior to those of brothers or sisters will only increase unhealthy sibling rivalry and erode the individual child's sense of uniqueness.


10. Tuck "confidence notes" into your children's lunch boxes, on their pillows at night, or other "surprise" places. Imagine how your children will feel when they discover a note that says, "We just want you to know how proud we are of you. We love you. Mom and Dad."


11. No put downs. Make your home a "Put Down Free Zone" and a safe haven. Explain to your children why such words do not build each other up. Rather, encourage them to get into the habit of expressing their love for one another.


12. No "Buts" Allowed. When you compliment your children do not follow it up with "but" anything. "You're a terrific student, but you really need to work on your appearance." There is a time to criticize. But adding a criticism to the end of a compliment nearly erases the compliment from your child's heart. Save your criticisms for another time. It's been said that one criticism carries the emotional weight of ten compliments.


13. Let each child know that he or she is a special creation of God. Remind your children often how unique they are, how much He loves them and how much you love them. Being confident of this truth will help your children become more confident in every area of life.