The Baby Is Here...Now What!
Something happened to my wife Donna and I after we had our first child Evan. My guess is if you're a parent, it happened to you as well. And it wasn't pretty... Suddenly, the time and energy we used to have for ourselves - to go for walks, to sit and relax, to make love when the moment seemed just right - was GONE. I mean it vanished. Just like that. Poof! I thought we were ready for the transition. Everyone does. But we weren't, and it took us some time before we started putting into practice some basic changes in our lifestyle and attitudes that made all the difference...and I'd like to share them with you today. Really, these quick principles apply to you even if you're not a parent because they address the importance of priorities, and why setting them is so vital in relationships. Here they are: 1. Be realistic - Understand that with the birth of your child, your world changed. It'll never go back to what it was. The time that you had for each other, the money that you had to spend on each other, is different now. Therefore, you need to commit to begin sharing your new life with your child - not trying to fit in your old life around the child - and take that responsibility seriously. The closer you can adjust your expectations to your current reality, the happier you're going to be. 2. It's just a season - Ecclesiastes 3:1 gives you a wonderful truth: "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven." While the research is clear that there's a tremendous amount of stress on a marriage during the parenting years, it won't last forever. Donna and I have just seen the last of our three children leave home. The nest is now empty...and we're readjusting for a different season. Keep this in mind and let it give you needed perspective when you start to believe you'll never see an end to the sleepless nights. 3. Work as a team - Share the parenting responsibilities as equally as you can. This lightens the load so that at the end of the day instead of one parent exhausting 80% of their energy and the other only 20%, you'll both have about the same amount of reserve left for each other. 4. Get help - As young parents, you need to admit you can't do it all by yourself...and that's okay. Utilize the grandparents, find sitters that you trust, and allow yourself to make time for each other. Which leads into my closing point... 5. Don't neglect your marital relationship - More than anything, your children need a mom and dad with a strong, loving relationship. Be careful to care for each other as much as they care for your child. If you don't do this, your children's priorities will dictate your schedule...and rule your life, to the detriment of your marriage. Continue to have regular date nights each month. Do weekly getaways to the coffee shop for a few hours. Set aside time daily to just talk to each other. And keep your sexual life alive and consistent. Plan and prioritize these things, and your marriage will grow closer - in the midst of the dirty diapers and 3:00am feedings.