Why "Silence Is Golden" When Dealing With Your Teenager
I'm the type of dad that doesn't like silence. I guess that shouldn't be a huge surprise - I host a radio talk show, after all. I'm the kind of guy that says, "C'mon...let's talk about it! Let's communicate - we can work it out." And it's an attribute that has landed me in a lot of hot water...especially with my teenage children. Two of my three kids are grown and out of the house now - and I've learned, sometimes the hard way, that silence is golden when it comes to dealing with a teenager. You see, kids that age (as much as we want to deny it) are starting to grow up. They're beginning to pull away and develop their own individual personalities. So a parent like me, who tends to be very involved and offer a lot of commentary and advice, can be very easily misunderstood as being too controlling. Like it or not, I've discovered it's often best to speak less and listen more. You can, too! It begins by understanding your changing role as a mom or dad. In your child's younger years, you are primarily the rule makers. You set the standard for things such as behavior, etiquette and dress, and teach your kids right from wrong. You hold the child accountable to those rules through both logical and natural consequences, while at the same time hopefully building mutual trust and respect. But by the time your boy or girl hits adolescence and beyond, the dynamic shifts - away from the establishment and maintenance of rules toward the developing and nurturing of your relationship with your son or daughter. You now begin focusing on... It's not an easy transition - for either you as the parent, or for your child. There will be some bumps along the way. Though the anxiety of the middle and high school years may seem overwhelming at times for you, you'll gain much from these years...both in terms of your own maturity, and in deepening your relationship with your son or daughter as you learn to speak less and listen more. Finally, let me end with a quick word to fathers of teenage girls. Never underestimate your ability to build into her a sense of internal beauty that will help her see herself as valuable and worthwhile. In our sexualized culture that overemphasizes outward appearance, a dad can be particularly effective in teaching his daughter how lovely she is on the inside. By pointing out her unique personality traits and gifts over her physical attributes, a father gives his daughter the inner confidence she needs to stand against the emotional attacks of her peers - particularly those criticisms aimed at her looks. So listen to your daughter, then affirm her self-esteem every chance you get. You won't regret it.